So, in this panel, we heard a little bit about finding that direction, you know, kind of, what it is that next phase. And so really that's what our keynote speaker is going to speak on, is what's, how to reorient finding that purpose and that sense of mission, that new mission in here. So let's say we're going to hear from Ms. Kasey King. Kasey is a US Navy veteran. She's also a licensed marriage and family therapists and relationship specialist. She's the owner of Lavender Healing Center, private therapy practice that that serves married couples, veterans, and individuals with generational trauma. Kasey's passionate about empowering others to take control of their lives and build healthy marriages. Notably, Kasey is a Navy veteran, spouse of a Navy Seabee who just retired after 23 years of service. So Kasey, join us on stage and the floor is yours. Hey, y'all.
I'm going to say y'all quite a bit. I'm not from here though, I'm from Baton Rouge, but I'm going to say y'all, So yeah, I'm one of those Who Dat's So thank y'all so much for having me. I really am humbled to be here. I've been to quite a few colleges. Graduated from quite a few colleges, and none of them highlight military and veterans. They will say that they are military friendly, but they don't offer services or have spaces for us. So when I got connected with you Mike, thank you so much. I would just really honored to do this. And actually as we're going into the next season of our life, this is this a full circle moment. My husband literally just retired July 31st, after 23 years. And I told him, I said, hey, sit down, do nothing because he was ready to get out and get back to work. And but he's been working since he's been 15 years old, straight. And literally before that, he's from the country. He used to pick peas before he went to school. So he's always worked and I said I want you to sit down and do nothing. So he's been sitting down.
He hasn't shaved. I didn't I didn't say go that far. So we have a whole beard, we have hair up here and all this stuff and he's just at home kicking it our three-year-old. The drop in the middle one off to school and I'm like, you know, it'll it'll come to you, because he's in that phase too. Well, what is, I don't know what to do. I don't know what my purpose is.
I said hey, It'll it'll come to you. But for right now, just relax. A lot of times we struggle with it and still. And that's when those moments come to us. And we just sit still and allow ourselves to be. So before we get into just talk a little bit about me, I wanted to notice a little bit about you regards to, in regards to your purpose. So livestream, because one of these over here. Hello.
I want everybody here just to kind of stand up really quickly. And I have a few questions to ask you surrounding purpose.
And live stream I have some numbers for you to go along,. to go along with this, watch party, sorry.
If you feel that right now, you know, and are living in your dream. I want you to have a seat.
If I know what my purpose is and I'm living in my purpose every single day. Watch party. I want you to put a 1 in the chat or write a one down. Number two, for the for the watch party and for those here. If I know what my purpose is, but I'm not sure how to get there. I'm not quite living in that. I want you to have a seat. Well, yeah, I don't need me then.
And for those, I have no idea. I don't know what my purpose is. I don't know why I'm here. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know my existence. daily. Would you say for those of you that are standing, hey, I kind of resonate with that a little bit.
Okay? Alright. We can go past that now.
And three. So about twenty-five percent of people and we talked about me a little bit. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapists, i'm a veteran and a spouse. I have upcoming book coming out Life of a Military Spouse because I've definitely lived in that and trying to go through the seasons and every few years trying to figure out what your purpose is, oh, time ago. Okay. But I'll just kind of getting here, getting these degrees, don't matter. Time to go.
What about here? yeah, don't matter. So that is something just a passion project for me to spouses to not give up. That you have a purpose too, outside of the spouse and outside of a mom and your dreams you're still able to fulfill those. I served a little bit of, a little bit over eight years. In the Navy. Hello, Navy. I know a few of us in here. And my husband, 23 years. My husband is the baby of 12 and about seven of them served. One is still in she's going on 22 years. And the one above him there, 23, the other ones 22. Many of them made the right choice. I think five of them went Navy. You all are going to kick me out, huh? So I will say combined with his siblings and my side of the family, we have over a 100 years of dedication to the military. And I'm also the co-chair for American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy to have a division called Working with Military Families and Personnel, which I think was great because even when I was going through that program, I didn't have the connection to services, even getting out as a spouse and moving. I'm still trying to figure out, okay, where are my people at? So that is something that's very passionate to me as well. In my practice, I work with couples daily and many of them, one or both, they are spouses. And it's always that suffering from depression or what is life like now, it can be a year later, five years later, I really haven't lived in my purpose because I don t know what that is. And how is that affecting my spouse? How is that affecting my kids? How is that affecting my relationship with myself? So that's what we're going to talk a little bit about today. I'm, I'm a little nerdy, so I like to go just a little bit with stats first. Then go to our next slide, the truth and numbers. This is really why I asked this question which lasted day. I probably don't need me. Only twenty-five percent of Americans know what their purpose is. Only 25%. If you go over to this table right here, maybe one person on average. I know what my purpose is, I know why I'm here. More than 60% of people have no plan for their life. And so this is everyday people. We're not even talking about military coming out. You have no plan. And when you said over here, hey I thought I was gonna get a parade or hello, or we have all these things and free food for life and you don't have that and you get out. It's like okay, so I don't know what's next. No one helped me on the way out to figure out what's next. And 21% of Americans think daily about how they can find their purpose in their life. Whereas 23% don't even give it a thought. So think about that when you wake up every day in your mind as you're not even thinking about why am I here? What is my purpose? How cannot fulfill myself? What are you thinking about? Maybe I don't want to be here. Maybe I don't have a purpose. They often say that 80% of our thoughts daily or negative. If you wake up daily and you don t think about where you're going or how to get there. Oftentimes you're thinking about how you can escape, you know, and that's very sad. Often that goes into this month that we're in with the highest suicide rate higher because you get out and you go into that hole and you don't know why you're here, you've figured out, hey, I've done my time, my seven years, my eight years, I've served, there is no next for me. And so we'd go into that place of despair. We go into that place of hopelessness. And so there's nowhere else to go. And they feel that, hey, maybe I shouldn't be here, maybe I've just done all I could do. So how does this translate over the military? Talk about some of the reasons why we join, our time and service and our age, I think is very important. Next slide, please.
The average age that you go in is 18 years old. Think about that.
How are you at 18? I don't know. I don't know. I remember 18, I had the army guy come knocking at my door and I was in the bed, really sick, and my grandma told me you better come out here and talk I don't want to go in no Army.
You know, so but most people go in at 18 years old. So you're thinking about going in, I don't have a purpose, I don't have a passion. Maybe just to get out of the house or so I can have a meal every day. And 83% don't complete 20 years of service. Like I said, my husband did 23. So he has a little bit of flexibility. I have retirement, I have all these other things. I had these benefits and so forth. Some people get out like me at 8.5 years. I'm like, okay, well, I don't have that.
That money stops. Those benefits stop. So what do I do now? So it goes at 23%. I don't have time to think and my purpose, I just try to, I'm trying to find something to eat. And so the average stays in for six years. So you think at 18 plus six, I'm not good at math, that's 24. And so you get out at 24. Where are you at 24.
A lot of people at 24, are like, I still don't know my purpose at 24. I'm still trying to find food at 24. You know, so it's definitely hard. And next slide, please. So these are often the reasons why we join. And that's in order.
That order of rank. The most is to travel, 23% say I joined to travel. 23% say I join to travel.
20% for the benefits. So if you go in and you do six years to get out, there's more benefits. You have your GI Bill. But after that, you have no benefits. There's nothing else coming in for you. And about 17% was called to serve. 17% I go in because I noticed this is what I want to do. I know what it is my passion. Only 17%.
Jobs and stability. Hey, that man just knocking on doors, better get off that bed, because I don't have anything for you. I don't have money for college. It's all you've got to get up. That was me. I want to go to school. And what choice do I have? Can't you stay here? So I'm go on over there to the military. And about 11% leaving a negative environment. Was there anybody in here or in our watch parties said, Hey, I got to get the heck out of his house. I got to get the heck out of his neighborhood. My friends not really going anywhere, but I stay with the same crowd. My parents are dysfunctional or whatever the case may be. I don't have anywhere to go. I want to go to the military. And is that when you look at the top five reasons people to join, I need some money, I need food. Of course, I will love to travel and see the world. I'm just trying to keep my head above water. So oftentimes no matter your age even going then you still feel, hey, I just don't know what to do. I don't know what's next for me.
Next slide, please. So I want to tell you about purpose, because we kinda get purpose and passion a little bit confused. Purpose is the reason for which something is done or created. I had someone tell me yesterday I got a new client in my office and she was just sitting on the floor. On the floor and she said, All I do is I fly, I keep flying. I keep flying.
And I feel I have no purpose. So when I go home, I leave and see when I can fly again. But I feel I had no purpose. I don't know why I'm here. At some times I think I shouldn't be here. So if I sit in my place long enough, I get down this hole, and I feel that I'm worthless. And sometimes it's surviving is not an answer for me. So I just keep flying, keep flying, keep flying. And I had to tell her, Hey, we all here for a reason. We all have a purpose. There's someone here that has something that you need. There is someone here, even if there's one person that needs what you have to offer and you can touch their life in such a way. I used to work with, prior to coming here I was in Mississippi stationed and everything for about ten years. Before coming here, I worked at Children's Advocacy Center. I worked with a lot of children who were physically sexually abused ages 2 to 17. I was like God, I don't want to do this. I have kids. I don't want to go work with my kids and work with these kids and hear these stories and go home and try to be a great mom to my kids. And I'm like, This is not this is not my purpose is not my passion. I don't want to do this. And about a year ago, this girl calls me about 17 years old. And she said, Ms. Kasey, I have some news for you. Hey, who is this.
Oh, it's me, and how is your baby? My baby three years old. Who are you that knows my baby. And she told me who she was and I was like, Oh, hey, what's going on? She said my case filing with the court and he got convicted and she gave me all this the numbers around that like, well, how are you doing? And she's like, my life is great. I'm going off to college. I'm living with my sister and it just sent a wave of chills through my body. And I've worked with so many kids through that and some of their parents as well. And oftentimes you think, why am I here? Why am I doing this? And years later, that call, that was that why.
Because there was that one person I'm sure are probably help some others. But it was that one person that called me after all these years, when I left there, I was pregnant when she called my baby was three. I hadn't been from there to Virginia in here and all these things. But she found me and called me to say thank you. And I want to update you on my life. So oftentimes we think that we have no purpose. We don't know why we are created, but there's someone here that were created for. Next slide.
Next slide. This why I have slides, sometimes don't matter, I would just veer off. They call me a storyteller. So why, why is it important to find your purpose after leaving the military? Because your purpose is tied to who you are. It's tied to what you do and why you do it. If I have no idea who I am, I then I start to question, well, why am I here? Maybe I'm not needed. Maybe nobody loves me. We definitely take our self, and I'm pretty sure at some point everyone here may have done that. We will go down that rabbit hole. What am I doing?
What is my purpose? Why do I keep waking up?
For what?
what? I had someone is telling me the other day? These are true stories y'all, I had someone tell me the other day I feel like I'm living in the sims game. I think Sims, I was like thinking in my head like geeze, how many years ago was that?, I feel like I'm living in the Sims game. And I was like, Wow, that has to be hard. As she said, my dreams are great. I can control my dreams, just having lucid dreams. My dreams are great. I can control those. My reality feels like I'm in a game, and I just wanted to go back to sleep. So we don't know what your purpose is. I don't know why I'm here. I have no understanding of who I am. What am I called to do? If you don't know who you are, what you do, and why you do it. Why you do it is important.
The why is your purpose. Why is your purpose.
But it also goes back to the what and also goes back to the who and who you are. So it's always important to understand first who am I? Because when you understand who you are, where you've been, what your journey is, those things that bring you clarity on who you can impact, who need you. You know, where your life is going. Though, I always start with why why is there no purpose. That's why.
It's tied to your daily existence. it's tied to your why you get up, you know. what makes you smile. You know, what drives you. What mark do you wanna leave? If I leave here tomorrow, that little girl called me and told me, thank you. I'm okay.
I knew I served the purpose. My 12-year-old daughter called me last week and said, Hey, can you give me some psychology books, like Girl, you don't go practice that guitar. Why you need psychology book? I just want to know what people are thinking. I got homework, why do you care? Why do you care if people are thinking? But as you know that impact, she, she sees what I do, and want to know why I'm doing it. And so sometimes it can be your kids.
It can be She told me, Hey, come talk to my kids at school. I walk home every day. People think I'm crazy because I'm an adult. She was she's in 12th grade. We still walk. She wants to hold my hand. And lot of kids come right up to me and hug me. And she said, We need you at my school. So just think about the people. Think about those you're around. What do they think about you? What do they need about you? How do you make them feel? Sometimes we think about our passion, we will, we will try to go down so deep and try to think too hard and try to sit with it, tell our head hurts and you realized it's really right there. It's right there, right in front of you. Sometimes you feel like you've been missing it, like all along. I'm gonna tell you a little bit how I got to how I got to my passion. I um, a lot of things I always say I never wanted to do.
I never had planned on going to military. I never wanted to live in Virginia. No one in the military wants to live in Virginia.
Yes. End up living in Virginia. I didn't want to work with a child sexual trauma. I didn't want to go drive in people's homes for two years, sitting on their couches and provide therapy in these neighborhoods. I don't know these people.
I've done all of those things. I remember about 11, 12 years ago. I went to University of Southern Mississippi. And I'll walked thinking I wanted to be social work. I said, I know I was going to want to help people. I'm not sure in what capacity. So I walked into welcome to the campus and I met this lady, her name is Dr. Jeanfreau, Michelle Jeanfreau. I said, hey, I'm coming to sign up for social work program. And she said, Oh, well, no one's here for the program. We'll see you later. I'm an introvert. I don't want to talk, see you later. And she said, Well, hey, let me tell you a little bit about this, and what do you wanna do? Um, I just want I want to help people. And she said, well, we have a program and you can still help people. You can impact families, help build marriages. I'm like, I wanna do that. Like I wasn't going there for that but it happened to be something that I found me. And I think I want to do that, but I'm not going to grad school. If I keep telling them, what I'm not going to do they say someone's going to the military, I'm not going to do that.
And end up going to grad school. And that just how it found me. I absolutely love it. I love it, love it, love it. Because my goal every day is to help people have a life, and a stable family. Some would say I came from a stable family. Someone say I will not want her life. But my goal, I want my daughter to see what love looks like, you know, what not living in dysfunction looks like. That is my purpose.
For everyone that comes and sits across me when they don't have kids and do a whole lot of premarital counseling. I talk a lot about kids and they're probably thinking Why are they talking about kids? And we're just trying to get married. Because if you don't work on your dysfunctions, it's going to project down to your children. And I see these people's children who are now 30 and 40 years old, and they struggling in their marriage than they have high anxiety and they gets their anxiety from their mom. Sorry, ladies, we get bad about dishes and all these things. We don't know our kids are watching us. And, so when I get these people that come and sit and they're just, Oh, we'd been together for three years. You want to get married? I go right in. These are the habits that we wanted to change that we don't want to bring from mom and grandma and great grandmother and grandfather because you're going to have children. And so that is, that is my little piece of purpose. I want to just create as many healthy homes as I can. So when you create healthy homes, you learn about finances, you learned about wealth and you learned about all these things. And if you decide to go into military because you go in because you want to serve and not because the only escape that you have. I think that everyone in here, even if you don't know what it is, I don't know how to get there. I promise you you're probably closer than what you already think. Next slide.
I don't even know what it is. So how do you find your purpose and know some of you said, Hey, I know I'm everything is okay, that's fine. Might still going to do the exercise. And I want you to close your eyes.
Close your eyes. And even for those who are on our watch party, I can't see you, but I want you to close your eyes as well. And I want you to think, whatever comes to you, I want you to stick with that. What brings you joy? The first thing that comes into your head, don't overthink it. What brings you joy? What makes you smile? What motivates you? If you stop thinking about what other people say, what they would say, what they tell you you should do. If I didn't think I would be embarrassed that other people knew this. If you live for yourself just in this moment. Even in this moment when your eyes are closed and you wake up and say, hey, I got to come back to reality.
What would you be doing? What would you be doing with that? Connect with the light that you have now. Does it align with the path that you're on? alright, opening your eyes.
You didn't go to sleep hugh. Okay. I've been told I can have a calming voice. So, did anyone kind of maybe have an idea of I thought of something different. I thought of something even for the moment that makes me smile, that brings me joy. I don't care if it's coffee. Because what is it? I'm a little therapy on you. What is it about that coffee that brings you joy? What about their coffee? That makes you smile? What about that coffee that makes you feel good and, you know, and gets you in a groove, Who does it remind you of? I tell you my coffee reminds me of my grandma. Because down south we don't, you know, from Baton Rouge, but I will say you wanted to lemonade or tea. You want a cup of coffee. And we sit on the porch. And you want a cup of coffee. And it's rude to say no. Even when I stopped, I exclude dairy from my life. My grandma said you want a cup of coffee and I'll still hold it in my hand, after a while put in my own cream But so again, we'll sit on the porch, do this, drink coffee, and talk about life. How are you doing? How's everybody? Nothing else matters in that moment it was family and community. And that's what this is going back to coffee. So I say think about is happiness.
So I say think about is happiness. That one little thing. That's why I say it's probably right there in front of you. I don't know if my purpose is think about Joe. I think about closed my eyes, happy coffee, sleep. What about sleep?
I don't get enough of it. Why not? So I can keep going down this hole You tell me, Hey, this is what my thought is. I'm asking you why. Why did you think that? Where did that come from? What does that remind you of? Does that fill you up? What about it fills you up and you come in somewhere close to that purpose. And it's right there. And the reason why I said, close your eyes and don't look up here. I look up here because sometimes you have to be by yourself and be in the moment because we often will say what we think people want us to say. We will often say, the safe thing. You know, what I think is right? We want to say the right answer versus something that really didnt bring me joy and makes me smile. I told my husband, I say, when we go to the improv and it's going to sign you up. And He's like, why woudl you do that. If you didn't have me, if you didn't have the kids, you are really just go on like a little comedy tour. Because we, because we let, we'll allow people and things to prevent us from living a life that we desire. And you can still live that life that you desire with school and with family, and with friends and your kids. I say, Hey, don't worry about me because I'll be right there. Laughing at you. I want you to do what fills you and with what fills you up and brings you joy. Because I think every single day, if I leave here, am I full?
I leave here, am I satisfied? Am I happy?
And I think about that every single day. When I wake up every morning, I just say thank you. I'm here and I can do it again. If you could do something over and over again. Next slide, please. You can something over and over again and not feel exhausted. What would it be?
What would it be? If I'm asking all these questions that are just coming up? Because for those of you, I think it was two or three who said that I don't know. I don't know how to get there or our watch party out there, I don t know. Right.
Right. Somebody's things down, remember somebody's questions and go back and spend time with them and ask them to yourself. What keeps people from living in their purpose? Does anybody know? Yeah, yourself.
So another one is sphere. Once again, close your eyes, fear. Because if I say this and I they'll say this most obscene thing, what are you going to look at me and say, who's going to judge me? How are they going to feel about me, are they just going to talk to me after this, they'll shake my hand after this, you know, I can tell you I, as a marriage and sex therapists, I see so many different types of people in my practice. When I initially wanted to add the sex component, it was to really just help couples in their intimacy. Because I feel for me as a marriage therapist, you have to really have that understanding because sometimes things come up. And when I tell you, Y'all, I got all different kinds of folks came out the woodwork. I was like, Okay, how can I help you? and they're always like, wow, your not going to judge me? I said no, that that will take a deeper level of care. Some of them I get my scarcasim a deeper level of care than I have. I care about you and your healing, but it takes me a long time to sit there to care enough. and judge you, and I don't have that time, I don't have that desire. So a lot of times fear and what we think other people will say, how they will feel. What our moms will say, what our spouse will say. We will let that keep us from living. So daily we'll just stick with just existing. The question, I seen a quote about fear. And it says feel the fear and do it anyway. I know some of you heard the quote is that doing scared? Do it scared, do it afraid. You don't know what that outcome is gonna be? I tell clients when they come into my office it's a light at the end of the tunnel. i know you don't see it. I know you're in the midst of darkness, but I promise you, it's there. And as you walk through that darkness, you'll get, you'll get a little twinkle. And it will be the twinkle, and a twinkle. And you're going to get there and you're going to look back. And like, Who was that person? Who Who is that? I don't recognize. I think everybody at some point in their life has been there. I tell my clients that, hey, I'm going to tell you something, I would tell you a secret. You're not the only person telling me this. You're not the only person today that's living in this.
You're not the only person that's going through We all at some point have been been in a dark place. And some people are still in that dark place. And some have come out of that dark place and can tell you they didn't see the light when they were there. But at some point they came out and it was bright as ever. So believing yourself, extreme fear, can neither fight nor fly. When you're living in fear.
You're here. I can't walk over here. I can walk over here. I can't I can't I can't do my Who Dat dance. Don't kick me out y'all. My eight-year-old is born here, so I'm trying to fight him, well he when you try to be a Cowboys fam, I'm like, look boy. You know, he's born in Wichita Falls. And his teacher, Mr. Fraser told him it's okay to be a Cowboy's fan. And he came home and said, Mommy, Mr. Fraser says. It's okay to be a Cowboy's fan. And me and Mr. Frazier had words the very next day. I look at too many of us. My husband's from Georgia, so he's a Falcons. Feel so sorry for them.
You know, Falcons, Braves, Bulldogs and all that. I'm like, We can't do Cowboys, Just too many of us. It's like gumbo, just a mix of everything. But you can't you can't fight through it. If you're just sitting in it. You can't fly, you can't soar. You can say, Hey, why is my life not going anywhere today? Because we're stuck in that place. of fear, we're staying in that place of fear because they're worried about What if it goes wrong? What if it's not my purpose? What is my wife gonna say? What is my husband going to say. if I just want to have a career change? Because this is going to fulfill me and bring me joy that bring you joy. It's going to bring us joy. To bring us joy is going to bring our kids joy. I'll just stay here because this this safe. And then when we get in our in our later years we tell our kids, don't be afraid, right? Do whatever you want, then my grandma come You can do anything. Then I'm like grandma but you.. Look, I said you could do anything. So, I say that to say, do it scared? If you don't know what it is? We're going to talk about that. Find your purpose and find your passion. Next slide, please.
If you can't figure out your purpose, figured out your passion. Your passion will lead you right into your purpose. And I asked you that thing. What do you love? What brings you joy? And not even just talking about my why. I want to be known as this is who I am. you know, outside of that. You talked about this as well. Finding that passion, finding that thing. And sometimes we have multiple passions. I love to read, I love basketball, so my husband. I don't care which y'all do on these other holidays on Christmas, I am home because it's basketball from 11 o'clock to 10 PM. I'm not leaving my couch. But I have that leads me no where to my purpose but, figure out what that thing is. What is it that you enjoy? What is that thing that you love? I don't know if it's hard for my purposes, I'm not going to do it Do it anyway. Because you may find that it may lead you to that place you've been trying to get to. Don't allow it to let sit still. Write down What makes me happy? What have I done in the past year? Hmm, That was good. I feel good. I think I'll do that again. That was great.
That was great. That reminds me of why I feel This is where I feel in my spirit is where I need to be. If you don t know the goal as we talk about in therapy, what are your goals? Why are you here?
Why are you here? Well, let's talk about the objectives here. You know, we know we're in college, the syllabus and all of that, I can't stand the syllabus. I'm sorry, I can't stand the syllabus. But the syllabus because the outcome is this. And in order to get here, these are the things we need to do. So you can have passion. Question mark, because I just don't know. But I'm sorry, purpose the question mark. But I can tell you this. I'm passionate about this, and I'm passionate about this and I am passionate about this. Oh, okay.
Wow That was right there all along. And I didn't even know it.
Next slide, please.
So passion and purpose. And like I said, sometimes we think they're the same thing and some people use them interchangeably, but they are quite different. When you talk about just what your purpose is. Your purpose is your why. Why am I here? Why do I exist outside of what my parenting and not paying attention and not planning and all these things. You know, why, why am I here? What is my meaning? I remember when I got out of the military, I was I was asking myself all of these questions because I want to tell you all before I got into the field of therapy. I wasn't, Because I was military police. So I did criminal justice. Before that when I was overseas, I did business. I thought at some point I was going to work for ICE. I'm telling y'all, you know, I did all of the Homeland Security certifications. Look, I did it all. So I have, I think I had like one class left for my criminal justice degree, and I just, I don't want to be a cop. I'm like, why am I doing this? And I'm thinking it's going to make my family happy if I just do something and if I get out and do something or get out with a degree because nobody has a degree. So again, all that pressure is on me. I just get out and do something. And so I just start thinking about all these different things and when I got out of the military, um, I don't want to do any of that. So what is my why?
So what is my why? And i'll tell you? I couldn't figure out my why, but I'd got into that military mode is kept getting up and doing, and doing, and doing and doing. And I crashed six months later. And I said, Hey, I got into a job. I went to go work for DOD police, DOD police department on Kiesler Air Force Base, that all the physical training and everything like that. My baby was two months old. I don't know what I was thinking. Because again, it wasn't that hey, like I told my husband sit down. I'm telling you to sit down from experience.
Sit down. I didn't sit down. I got out and started applying and went through the process. and you know the government takes a long time you know, and start doing all the things. And I was working 12 hour days. He was deployed for ten months. We got some Mississippi his first deployment was ten months, second deployment was eight months. His missed our daughter's first and second birthday. So, I was there doing this, doing a lot, trying to be a parent and figure out, hey, I'm not going to be just a spouse. You know, I wanted to do my thing too. and this lead me down as placing that I struggled so bad. Luckily, it was only two months in and I'm like geeze, I can't work these tweelve hour days, fourteen hour days and go get my daughter and we'd go eat and go to sleep and that's it. And after two months, I just I told him it's not going to work. And so I went back to the drawing board, again, what do I like? What do I enjoy? And I did several jobs after that. I took a job paying me $7 an hour. And I was like, I came from the military. Was was getting paid this and I wasn't the Middle East, I'm not just... You know, but I got to dress up what I'm deeply a tomboy real life. But it was different from being a uniform every day. That gun belt around my waist and vests, bulletproof vest everyday. And I got to just talk to people and just be me. And it felt great.
And now selling jewelry. So again, it wasn't, it was a passion because it allowed me to be with people and listen to what they need. When you've ever went to go ring shopping. And it asks you about your wife and you know, actually about your partner. And they're sitting and listening, understanding. We're still kinda, I don't see how that connects. That's what I do now. I sit, I listen, I understand. I connect.
Who would think working at Kay Jewelers would lead me here, which is why I say it's closer. It's closer than you think. So look at what you feel here. What interests you, what are your objectives, what energizes you when you get up every day? I was in a training last time, was I can't remember a couple that's dsyfunctional. I get them everyday ready to hear out, figure out who, who got the problem today. You know, like what, what can we do? How can I help? You see cake here is because it's, the passion. Is the cake because the base of the cake never changes. What does the yellowcake, white cake? Red velvet cake got a couple of steps. Haven't mastered that yet. But I can make a good rum cake. But the base, the flour, the sugar, the who bakes, what else? The baking soda and the salt. Just a little sprinkle. None of that changes.
That's your passion. Your passion is the cake, your purposes, the icing. You can change the icing.
You can change the icing. You can change icing. I want chocolate icing, I want buttercream, I want vanilla. But the recipe to the base of the cake is the same. That cake is your purpose when you put the icing, and you put the treats, then you put all those things. You know, that, that is your passion. Because I just want to eat the cake. I don't care about this stuff. You know what, those who make it, their thing. So when you think about what is your, what is your cake? If you all know what we know what our cake is, what kind of kick the like? What do you like on top of your cake? Like a whip cake. So think about that in terms of this is my purpose. But this right here on top for that's my passionate and those together, I mean, so unstoppable. Those together you're going to change so many lives, you're going to change your life. Even if those who are in the house with you, those who you walk by every day. That's why you are here.
Next slide, please. What am I still don't know my purpose? Well, I don't know what to tell y'all.
Cause I feel like I've been giving y'all good stuff. But, identify what is blocking you. Again. Is it fear? Are you worried about what other people are going to say? Do you feel that I should carry on to the path because my grandma was a nurse and my mom was a nurse and I should be a nurse and I don't want to be a nurse and, you know, all of those things like what is it that's blocking you? Am I still so connected to the military of get up and go and they tell me what to do. I don't know how to figure it out for myself. So that's what the block of me and keeping me stuck.
I haven't had to make my own decisions. so I don't know how to fit in this and what if I make the wrong decision? So identify what is blocking you.
Spend some time in peace. I'm going to tell you as a mom of three, Oh God.
I love my peace of the day. The other day I woke up at 4:30 in the morning. And it's not my normal.
It's usually about 5:30, 6. I woke at 4:30 I said I got some things to do. I'm just gonna get up a little early and I foughts it. I was like, what was I thinking, girl? I talked to myself, y'all, What was I thinking. And when I went to my home office and I sat there about twenty minutes, I'm like, I can do this every day.
Because I'm a night owl, but I have to go to bed because I got to get in the morning to take care of kids. So I was like, I could do this every day. It's so quiet and peaceful and nobody is there. But you, you can be honest with yourself. You can be who you really want to be. Spend time with yourself.. Still figure out what drives you do a review of your life, especially coming out of the military. Do a review of your life. I tell my clients who come in and I see a lot of clients that suffer from depression. I say, well lets talk about a year ago, two years ago, three years ago. Tell me about your accomplishments. I don't I don't want to talk about that black hole. I want to talk about life before that black hole. Because what happens is we forget, we forget about our accomplishments. We forget how he made people feel. We forget those things we love about ourselves. I ask that person the other day and said she wants to keep flying. As I remember we were told me she told me to hold somebody's hand during a major event in their life. Remember when you told me like twenty minutes ago that you are holding someone's hand? I say, and you're here today because you're depressed and you don't know your purpose and use some days you'll know if you want to live, you know, but just look back at that. Even in the midst of that, even in the midst of that hole, you were able to have that compassion and walk someone else to joy.
Look at that. When you say, I don't know who I am. I don't know why I'm here. That right there was why you're here. Because we can go to the negative, negative things about ourselves, but don t think about, wow, I just helped somebody the other day through a panic attack, While I'm sitting here in depression. Do a review of your life.
Create a list. Like I said, I done worked, the bank. That was, oh Lord.
I don't know what I was thinking. I've worked at a bank, like again, just find that thing and just do it. And if you don't like it, okay, I did it and move on. I know sometimes it's easier said than done. But sticking that thing until you find that next thing and move on and keep moving. Because I rather you say, Hey I've tried ten thousand times to figure out my purpose is, instead of sticking with that thing just one time I'm going to stay here because I'm scared. Feel your fear.
It's okay to acknowledge your fear and say, hey, girl, hey dude, I'm scared. And the person gonna talk back at your head and say, Yeah, me too. But we don't do it anyway. Support system. Always say Where your people at, who your people? Find your people. One thing I love, and you mentioend earlier about Facebook and Facebook groups. Oh my gosh, there's so many military veteran groups. And when I got out, I didn't have a lot of that.
I didn't have a lot of that. For me, there's a spouse community, but I couldn't find spouses like that because my life is a little bit different. I came from the military. Some of them saw me as, I'm here. Your know where you have GI Bill or you have this, and I'm still lost, and I'm still a wife. and my husband is not here. so I didn't connect with a lot of people. So I say find your people who's your family, your support system. Who are those people who are like you, who may get you? If you feel like, hey, I don't know who gets me, I get you, I promise you I do. So if you need to talk to me after or I need my card, or wanna pull me aside and say something, Hey, I get you. But, If you find your people, ask them, what am I good? You may find things you don't know. What am I good at? What do you like about me?
I've asked husband that. What do you love about me?
What do you love about me? Because sometimes people see things in us that we don't see in ourselves. and then your like, oh, wow. Okay.
Next slide, please. I want to give you some resources. I know we're going to talk about that a little bit later. But these are just some of the things for me I can say that has helped me.
When I was looking for other resources I don't want to give you something that oh the place that is to get jobs, right? Places to where you can go and sit and you can talk with people, you can get support, you can get resources, you can get resumes. you know, all this kind of support. I used to work at Military Once. I told you I worked everywhere when I was in Virginia and I did a lot of Wounded Warrior with a lot of wounded warriors. And I worked there Peer Support Program coaching members and military spouses who are transitioning out of military. And oddly, it was the I don't know what I'm gonna do. I've been doing this for 23 years. I'm, you know, a Sergeant Major, I don't know.
I don't know. Anybody. Also at our watch party if you've been out for at least a year or a year or less, all the service, a therapy services, transitioning veteran services, the Wounded Warriors with all the services they have at Military OneSource, their counseling, absolutely free for a year after you get out. I didn't know that. I'm like when I got I'm like, I wish I knew that when I got out. No one no one tells you these things. That's why I can tell my husband and these things. They have people there that you can call and say, Hey, I'm getting out. They have a transitioning service. I'm like, Oh, where was that for me. I'm kind of mad.
I'm kind of mad. I'm working and I'm like where was that for me? You can call them up to a year, up to two years. They have a checklist for you. Who knew that?
Who knew that? Nobody. Nobody knew that. And I told my husband that while he was in, I said Tell your sailors this. He's like, Oh, I didn't know that. How did you didn't know, you're still in the military? No one knows about the services that are available to us. I used to just sit on the phone and listen to service members. They got out and they're struggling. And they call for therapy and we can we can cannot be therapy because you may be presented, be suicidal or, you know, XYZ and they'll give them other services outside of that. But hey, we have a peer support. And so that's how they got to me. And we've talked about that. We've talked about passion and what their purpose was and how to get out of that hole and things like that. So I highly recommend if you know someone who's still in and their not get the services from their command Please call Military OneSource. Because of they don't have it I'll promise you they can get you to it. And if they still can't get you to an exit wound to war because one of the warrior will kick down some doors and make some things happen for you. So also Department of Labor, Salute our Heroes. There are so many other sources. I know Dallas College has a lot of resources for you as well.
Next slide, please. So I want you to keep in mind your purpose may change. When you went in and it's sometimes some people found their self when they were in the military. I know my husband when he was there for 20 years, he was living in his purpose. He probably would've stayed in no, no, no.
I'm like look sir... But it changes and now he's out. He's out there, you know finding his new purpose. And maybe to the new passion cause maybe that purpose is still to serve but in a different capacity. So sometimes you feel that, hey, I served my purpose, maybe a purpose, it's continuous. Maybe it's just different. And if it changes, that's okay to be okay with that. And also, if you're in fear than do it in fear, Cause I'd rather you do it in fear than not at all. Next slide, please.
Y'all have any questions for me. Anybody, any questions. I think I might be a little over bit over. I'm sorry, Mike, if I am. Okay. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you. And again, thank you so much for for doing this. Thank you. Yeah. Dallas College for really doing this. Let's thank Kasey again one more time before we, sometimes it's hard work. But if you come up with military, your used to hard work, so just different focus, different orientation. So we're going to transition now. We've got lunch prepared. I got the thumbs up that the meals are here, I hope that's the same also for any of the watch parties or anybody else that has something coming in. But before we move into that, I want it to each time we've kind of had a break here, we've been able to thank a group of people. And so this time I'd like to just give a special thanks to our department leaders that are here. So we've kind of been able to thank our institutional leaders and division leaders. But we have a couple of department leaders that are here and we want to make sure that we give them special thanks. Dr. Dina Sosa-Hegarty, thank you very much for being here and the leadership who are team reports directly to. All of the help I'm getting through here. For military, our, the way that our institution has been structured now is we have three distinct areas that serve really focused populations. So one of those is our success coaching. So they do all advising and getting them in. Our role in program leads is helping them all on the outside like everything that they're experiencing with housing, food insecurities, mental health. We've been able to make those referrals out of a helping them on that support side. We've got another team that does just our benefits certification and compliance area. And Dr. Shirley Higgs is with us here today representing net area. Dr. Higgs, thank you for being here. And also for our Counseling and Psychological Services or Associate Dean or Interim Associate Dean, Kaitlin Hill. Thank you for being here and part of our planning getting us here. The last group is going to be an all-star panel that's kinda helped put all this stuff together. So we're going to save them for last. So we're going to make the transition now. So for those that are here, we're going to have our meals are ready, so we'll be able to exit the door off to the left, right around you can make an immediate right. And then there's a room in there where the box lunches or setups. So grab one of those, come on in, eat, talk with each other. Our program or service providers that are here. We're actually going to do a little quick change. We're gonna put a table up here and do some interviews of you. It's kinda like a little spotlight or five-minutes speed dating kinda thing where those that are not here, we'll be able to watch and see who is here. And so we're gonna go through that. It's gonna be new element.
So if it's the little, a, little, a little off or kinda seemed a little clunky. It's because we're working. And so with that, we're going to make that transition. Also. If over the meal. While this is going on, feel free to please visit our servers venders out here. They've been having students come through that are walking around. We're doing this while school going on. So we're getting a lot of exposure for those organizations on not just the veterans and service members, families that need that information, but also others that just to know what's out there. So we're really glad to have them. So at this point we're going to make that transition. And you guys enjoy your meal.
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