“I've always known that mental health struggles are real and common. But you still think that it doesn't affect me. It feels different, though, when it's your own struggles or even somebody you love’s struggles. Your whole world is spinning and spinning, and you're looking for help, and I didn't think there was help, but there really can be.
So Luke and I were raised together, went to the same school together, and we had always wanted to go to the same college together, and one day that happened. We were really pumped up that day. I am a person with a plan, and the plan was to keep learning, finish graduate school, and get my master's. And also raise children. Easy, right? But honestly, I was ready for it all.
Okay, so soccer for me was, well, I mean, education was my priority, but soccer was... my joy. It was what kept my cup full my dad would say. And that sort of balance was good for me until I get to community college, and I am playing in a game, you know, and out of nowhere I get... I got hurt.
When Luke and I got to college, we were still really excited. But then Luke starts to have sort of a tough time of things. Like I had known that he had mental health struggles previously. And yeah, we were, we were in a new place, away from home, and it was just us. And because of that, he really started to lean on me a lot.
So there I am, Miss Do Everything, Handle Everything, but then... I’m like, “grad school is a lot.” I was just so overwhelmed, I was losing sleep, I just wasn't my best self, and... I just kept smiling. I could not let my family or anyone down.
When my injury happened, and they told me that I couldn't play soccer for a long time. And it sounds dramatic, but it felt like half of me was... gone now. I was not ready for that. Things with Luke were getting worse, actually. He wasn't showering, he wasn't changing his clothes, he would just wear that one hoodie with all the stains on it. And then he starts saying some really dark things... Like how do I even respond to that?
After my injury, I kept going to school at first just trying to move forward, I guess. But yeah, like a huge part of me was missing now. And so I... started drinking too much and falling into this... darkness, really. So all of that led to a really bad, bad moment. Basically, I found Luke after he tried to take his own life... And I called 911, and the next thing I knew, I was waiting in the emergency room while they tried to save him.
I just kept pushing through, you know? But I didn't like how I felt on the inside, and I didn't like where those feelings were taking me to be honest. But then I get this text message from a classmate saying, “Don't want to intrude, but you seem a little off in class, and I hope everything is okay.” I think she sent that at the perfect time.
I stayed in a bad place longer than I think I should have before I started searching just for something at my school. But then, like, right away an advisor is connecting me with help, connecting me with a community support group. And yeah, I think it's really been helping. Like I'm finding my joy again.
When Luke out of the hospital, I didn't even know how to begin to help him. I was just googling, and... that's when I found it. Yeah, I don't even want to think about where we'd be without that counseling center... for both of us.
I was a person that was stressing to get their master's degree, and now I'm a person with their master's degree who still gets stressed. But that's okay. Especially when you let someone in and let them help you. Everybody deserves that.
Help is... there, it's available, and it's on your campus. Help was... in my community, really. And it can be there for you, too.